As time went on, Lexi started to get better and then started to deteriorate pretty soon after. It's a constant back and forth from one week to the next and you just never know what to expect. You can't wrap your head around all the waiting lists and the referrals and the fact that no one of importance seems to care about your child's life. It's left to you to buy the books and Google the terms and listen to the Youtube talks - that's where most of what you learn about how to cope with your Autistic child is taken from. And other parents with Autistic kids, they can be brilliant too, always supportive and always helpful.

Lexi is starting Play Therapy soon and we hope it helps her. Because lately, her anxiety has gotten severe. I've had to watch her sitting on the ground rocking back and forth before going to school, and the whole time I'm thinking of all the people who told me things like, "Lexi's needs are beyond what we can provide" and "We know this must be tough on you", but they'll say it with a reassuring smile like they know what you're going through and pretend that they care. But they don't. They're just telling you what they think you want to hear. I've accepted that as Lexi continues to go from bad to worse, that the system will not help her. We are the only ones who will help Lexi, her parents. But that sure as hell won't stop me from speaking up every single chance I get. I accept that the system is broken but I do not use that as an excuse to stay silent.

Don't get me wrong. Learning more about Autism has been tough and also beautiful. I think we've become better parents in the process of trying to understand Lexi more and how she thinks and what she's going through. It changes your whole view of the world, I mean the REAL world. It turns you into a fighter if you weren't one already because no one fights harder than parents who know about real struggle, parents who have seen their kids struggle or suffer - you become a warrior. I know I've become a better dad in the process, a more accepting and understanding dad, and I know I'll continue to grow. But I will never stop fighting for Lexi. Never.